I was never after closure. I never considered closure, and I've never heard memoir writers mention it. Some people have asked if writing The Orchard was cathartic, and I have to say not in the least. Quite the opposite. It was horrible and it was torture and it was awful in every way. And once it was published, I had to go around and talk about it. More torture. I can now admit that while making public appearances I often regretted writing the book because I had to keep reliving it at each event. I was like a cutter who traveled place to place and cut myself in front of an audience. Oh, that's so melodramatic.
But now... NOW, it's like a door has slammed on that old world. It's over over over for me. I did my job. I no longer have to remember and hold it in my head because I've written it down. I no longer have it looming before me, this book I have to write, this life I have to revisit. This duty. I never expected to get anything out of writing it, nothing for myself, so the closure has been such a surprise. Right now I'm wondering if closure ever uncloses. I suppose it does, and I still have those two gigs next year, but I don't know... I feel that it's truly behind me.