Saturday, May 2, 2009


For twenty years I’ve had a recurring dream about a shallow pool of water inside a secret cave. In the dream, I’m under the assumption that this cave can only be reached by climbing a steep and hazardous trail. It’s getting dark, and I want to find the cave before nightfall. I’ve been there before (this is a recurring dream, after all), but I'm unsure of the path. I finally reach the top of a mountain only to see that some assholes have driven there from the other side. They’ve littered and destroyed vegetation, and I can only hope they don’t know about the cave. I find the entrance and crawl on my belly through a tight tunnel, then the cave opens up to reveal a shallow, pristine pool of clear, tranquil water.

I made it. I’m alone.

I always wake up and wonder about the meaning of the dream. I think some dreams are just a way to work through the day or week, but recurring dreams have a deeper meaning. I think the dream either represents death or writing. At first these seem totally opposite, but when you think about it they aren’t so different. Both are solitary journeys. We die alone, and the harsh truth is that we write alone. No amount of blogging or twittering or conferences or lunches can hide the fact that in the end we write alone. We climb the mountain, we pass the crap left by the people who took the shortcut, and we find that perfect pool of water. By ourselves.


  1. Interesting. My closest equivalent to "the crap left by the people who took the shortcut" tends to be lions and tigers. I don't know why, but my path is invariably dangerous. Sometimes, I don't make it. (And it's an ouchie process, not making it.) Also, there are skeletons and ghosts. I believe in neither. Apparently, they get the last laugh.

    Your grandmother's things post was so beautiful I couldn't bear to comment there.

  2. Becky, lions and tigers make my trash look pretty wimpy. :D

    Thanks for your words about previous post! Not sure if my posting cut material is a good idea, but I'm going to give it a try. I also have a lot of slides I want to transfer to digital to go along with text. Thirty years later, I'm still kicking myself for not buying my grandmother's house and linens. Weird how small regrets can turn into big ones over time.

  3. I keep a dream journal. We should chat about interpretation. I wasn't going to comment but the word verification is "damit" and I figured if I didn't say something I'd regret it. LOL

  4. one must never piss off word verification.