Care and Feeding of the Tortured Soul

At the core of many writers you'll find wounded people striving for relevancy. Maybe that applies to all art forms.  I've been lucky. Overall response to my writing has been in large part favorable, so this isn't so much about me. It's more about the constant and unending posts and comments I see online about writers needing to grow thick skin and needing to be able to handle rejection and cruel, biting reviews. "It goes with the territory," people say. This is true to an extent. 

Problem is, the "inability to handle bad reviews" comes from a place so deep that a hundred years of therapy wouldn't be enough to crack the code.

If you were to do some kind of study, I'm guessing you'd find that many artists are on a constant quest for approval.

"Wood warms you twice ...once when you cut it and again when you burn it."

The same could be said for writing. When the writing is going well, my mental state is in a good place. The writing warms me. At this point the story is something I embrace in secret, not sharing with anybody, holding it close to my heart, keeping it, and me, safe. Once the book is done and out in the world, the unvoiced dream and desire is for that story to feed my soul once more—with a warm response from readers.  So what I’m saying is that it's more than someone simply being unable to handle negative reviews. Because readers are the second part of this equation. Readers are the wood touched by the match.

Is this to say all writers are unstable and needy? No.  I’m saying if writing is therapy, then the second part, the reader part, is part of that therapy.  This is why we grieve when our books don't do well and receive bad reviews. Grieve.  Sometimes we grieve for days, sometimes weeks, sometimes years. Sometimes we get over that grief and go back to cutting and splitting wood—because we need to.  And sometimes we never go back. 

DON'T ADD A MURDER TO YOUR MEMOIR

The danger of toxic agents

He was one of the most sought-after agents in the country, a dream agent, but shortly after signing with him I began calling him Agent Orange.

I've talked about this before, but I was just telling someone about the agent who asked me to add a murder to The Orchard. It would of course have been published as fiction. Just my life story—with a freakin' murder tacked on.  The truly amazing thing is that I actually did it. I added a murder for this guy. But I quickly came to my senses and had him withdraw the book from submission, fired (his word, not mine) him, and tossed his murder idea. Not only tossed it, but stomped on it with both feet. Our final conversation was my unsuccessful attempt to get him to understand why his idea was such a bad one. He would not budge.

This illustrates the danger of toxic creative input.

I've had some good agents in my career, and I might work with an agent again under the right circumstances, maybe even a previous agent, but I love being able to write without someone dictating the direction my stories should take in order to have a product that can be sold to a particular editor the agent has courted.

How the agent thing works

Most agents, especially today, have lunch with editors, find out what they're looking for, and tailor their writers to those luncheon discoveries. This makes sense from the agent and editor perspective. Instead of blindly submitting books, agents find out what editors are hungry for and deliver it, but this leaves out so many good books that will never make it into an editor's hands.  And if you submit to an agent who replies with a rejection, chances are that agent simply doesn't have an editor on her list looking for your kind of story. Simple as that. This is one of the reasons big-name agents are more successful. They know more editors, have lunch with more editors, and have a larger list of story wants. The other thing about agents? An agent who's been around a long time, an agent who's friends with many editors, that agent has no desire to blindly shop a book. His career has moved beyond what to him is paying dues.

The odds are against you in this game of feeding the hungry editor via the hungry agent

Say you tailor a project to an agent's specifications—that agent has nothing to lose and everything to gain. But you, on the other hand, might lose a year or two of writing and income while involved in this common practice. I often wonder how many of these tailored books actually sell. Like the percentage. I'm guessing it's small. Five percent? Fewer than that? Two percent? One? And when the dust clears, when the rejections finally come back, the agent has two hundred other writers to pull from, and those writers are all getting the exact same spiel…but you only have yourself and the years you just wasted.

But back to the murder thing 

At that time I was one of the walking wounded after being dumped—that might be too strong a word, but I can't think of anything else, so let's say dumped—by an agent I'd had for twenty years who had no interest in submitting my memoir. Numbing blow. My self-worth as a writer dropped to basement level, and my confidence was shaken to my bones.  I didn't trust anything I thought or felt at this point, and I was desperate for guidance.

  Enter hotshot dream agent.

 At the lowest and most vulnerable point of my career. 

Why in the bloody hell would I agree to representation by someone who told me to add a murder to my memoir? Looking at this with a logical mind, it makes absolutely no sense, and it's scary to think I did what he told me to do. That still freaks me out, and now I kind of understand how the brain goes to such a weird place, and how people succumb to things like Stockholm syndrome and cults and weirdasses like Jim Jones. When we are in that state of having no faith in ourselves, of no longer trusting ourselves, it happens. When someone powerful comes along and begins talking with 100% conviction, we listen because we are lost and are no longer listening to our own voice. We don't even know where our own voice has gone.

I've not given up on agents, because, like I said, I've had a good one or two, but I'm working hard to get myself to a place where I no longer need an agent (by self-publishing and signing with houses that don't require agented submissions) because it's too easy to stop listening to my own voice when it comes to my art.

Not listening to yourself is where shitty books come from.  And shitty music.  Creativity is a wonderful mystery, and when someone else steps into that mystery it's no longer a mystery, it's a product.

 Trust yourself.  Don't off yourself with Kool-Aid. Don't add a murder to your memoir.

WHERE I WRITE

Remembrance of things past

THE PARTY IS OVER

The party is over, and I'm back to work. It was tough making myself get on a flight that was heading straight into winter.  When I got off the plane in Minneapolis, I thought I'd stepped into a Charles Dickens novel as beaten-down winter people trudged past me in their wool coats, black stocking caps, heavy boots. I expected someone to lift a bowl and beg for food (More, please.) so I could give the poor soul my airline pretzels.

Back to work.

I'm what is now called a hybrid writer, which means I traditionally publish and I self-publish. But what this really means is that I'm working harder than I've ever worked. The self-published books are my bread-and-butter, so I can't slack off in that area.  And man does it take a lot of work to self-publish.  I figure I now spend something like 90% of my time formatting, editing, promoting, advertising, etc, and about 10% writing.   I once saw a one-man band at my uncle's bar. This guy played guitar, drums, harmonica, horn, cymbals, keyboard, and maybe some other stuff. And all of these things were strapped to his body so he could switch from one instrument to the other as he played, and he often played two or three at a time.  I feel like that guy.

And somewhere in here I have to find time to write, so I've actually blocked out all of May to work on nothing but the Play Dead sequel, due to publishing house September 1.  And darn, there's the cat book. I hope to pick it up again before the year is over, because a lot of people are asking about the second book, Geek with the Cat Tattoo. I've been so happy with the response to the first book. Most of my books are dark, and it's been so rewarding to have people tell me Girl with the Cat Tattoo made them happy and made them laugh.

On the traditional side: This week and next I have several book events for The Orchard. These will probably be my last appearances for The Orchard, most dates set up almost a year ago.  We set up the April dates because it's fairly safe to think roads will be okay. Ha!  Endless winter.  I think we are paying for last year, where I recall sitting outside drinking beer in March.

Now I'm off to work on my event presentations.

NOW AVAILABLE IN MORE JOINTS

For those interested in reading it on their Nook, iPad, or other devices, The Girl with the Cat Tattoo is now available through iTunes, B&N, Kobo, and Amazon.

Links:

iTunes

B&N

Amazon

Kobo 

Praise for The Girl with the Cat Tattoo:

DABWAHA (Dear Author Bitchery Writing Award for Hella Good Authors) 2013 Finalist!!!

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Dear Author Recommended Read:
"It isn't until the end that I realize how powerful the story I've just read is, and how much it has affected me. And that's when I know that if Theresa Weir decides to write her next book from the POV of a not-very-bright goldfish who lives in a studio apartment in Omaha, I'll preorder it as soon as they let me." Grade: A- ~Sunita, Dear Author

*

Romance Around the Corner:

5 stars: "One of the best stories I've read this year." 

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Wonk-O-Mance: Certified Wonktastical! "It's just enough heart-wrenching. Very sweet, emotional, with no melodrama. Okay, there were some intentionally melodramatic parts. But the silly parts were silly and the sweet parts were sweet."

*

Dear Author Top Reads of 2012

~~~

For cat lovers everywhere, this sweet, quirky, and delightful romance is about a young woman and her matchmaking cat.

A little bit of mystery, a whole lot of whimsy. 

Brief synopsis:

When a matchmaking cat takes it upon himself to find his young mistress a new mate, he accidentally stirs up memories better left forgotten.
Melody's husband was murdered by what seemed a random act of violence. Two years later, the killer hasn't been caught, and Melody is coping in unhealthy ways. During the day she's a mild-mannered children's librarian, but at night she's a party girl, hanging out in bars, drinking with new friends, and often bringing home strange men. Although acquaintances have tried to keep in touch, Melody has cut herself off from most of the people in her old life. Max, her eccentric cat, doesn't approve of her new friends, he's tired of the parade of losers, and he finally takes it upon himself to find Melody a new man.

This book is 30,000 words, which equates to about 150 print pages.

GUEST POST BY PAT DENNIS

Friend and writer Pat Dennis is visiting my blog today to talk about her 

new cozy just out from  Forty Press.  This is a really fun read, and I wrote the cover blurb!  

From Pat:

The words slipped out of my mouth yesterday morning before I could stop them. They landed directly in earshot of a mother and daughter team selling Thin Mints at my front door. I began, “It’s kind of funny you’re doing this. because I’m a novelist, and in my novel . . .”

I realized what I was about to admit and forced myself to stop talking. In Murder by Chance, a pivotal moment in the narrator’s life happens when a ten-year old appears on her step. When Betty Chance opens the door, the young girl’s eyes travel up and down Betty’s ample body and she states, “I bet you’ll buy a dozen boxes,” or something like that. Until that very moment, Betty had no idea either how heavy she was, or that she’d be capable of slamming a door on a Girl Scout.

I immediately realized I couldn’t tell the rest of the story to the beaming face on my doorstep. Instead I bought two boxes of cookies and sent the two females on their way, each of them probably wondering why I said I was a novelist and then stopped in mid-sentence. To be honest, I was a bit shocked at what I said as well.

It was the first time that I used the phrase, ”I am a novelist.” It almost felt like a lie.

I’ve always referred to myself as a writer, even when I didn’t write, most of us who are scribblers do. The sense of my being a writer was engraved in my DNA. I cannot remember a time when I didn’t define myself that way. I spent my high-school years collecting rejections slips. My first poem was published at seventeen years of age in the Hartford Courant Journal, and my first novel Murder by Chance (other than one I self-published) was published this month, forty-eight years later.

The reviews of Murder by Chance, so far, have been wonderful. The fact that it’s been called“ highly entertaining” and “an engaging romp” tickles my aging fancy. I’ve had nice reviews before for many of my published short stories, but this is the first novel. This is the book that family can display on their shelves. This is the book that I will mention when people ask skeptically, “Have you been published?”

“Why yes, I have a novel out. It’s called. . . . ”

I have been waiting to say for five decades. Know what? Even though it took a long, long time, it still feels pretty damn good to utter the words, “I’m a novelist.”

I might even have a Thin Mint or two to celebrate.

About Pat: 

Pat Dennis is the author of a collection of short stories titled Hotdish To Die For. She is the contributing editor for Who Died in Here? and Hotdish Haiku. She is the author of her self-published e-book, Stand Up and Die. Her short stories are included in Anne Frasier’s Deadly Treats, The Silence of! the Loons, Resort to Murder, Once Upon A Crime anthology, Writes of Spring, Minnesota Monthly, Woman’s World, and more. Her latest novel Murder by Chance is published by Forty Press. She is also working with Adventure Publications to discover new authors for their debut line of mystery fiction, set in the wilderness or aimed toward the outdoor sports enthusiast. 

Pat will be signing copies of Murder by Chance this Wednesday, March 20, 7:00 at Once Upon a Crime in Minneapolis.

She'll also be signing at Excelsior Bay Books in Excelsior, Minnesota, on April 13, 1:00.

Murder by Chance can also be purchased in ebook or print from most online stores or any indie bookseller.

WHAT A LONG, STRANGE TRIP IT'S BEEN

I'm kind of known for being pretty straight-forward, and for saying things other people tend to keep to themselves, but I've been doing a lot of keeping my mouth shut over the past year and a half. I've gotten a good look at traditional publishing in a way I'd never experienced before. I worked with some wonderful people, but I have to admit that traditional publishing has a very insular feel to it. The Orchard did well by most standards, but didn't reach the level of national attention my publishing house and agent had hoped for. No morning show appearances, no New York Times review.

But something totally weird and unexpected happened a couple of weeks ago. I made the New York Times bestseller list. And not for The Orchard, but for The Man Who Left. I've been in this business thirty years, and never had a book hit the New York Times list until now.

On top of that,  The Girl with the Cat Tattoo is a DABWAHA finalist. This blows me away, and it's humbling and gratifying to know that people are embracing this book that I considered an underdog. Or undercat.  People read the book. People want me to finish the second one. (I hope to get back to it this summer. Fall, at the very latest, which would mean a 2014 release.)

You can grab The Girl with the Cat Tattoo for free on Amazon. At the moment, it's only available on Amazon, but you'll be able to find it everywhere April 1.  In fact, I'll be pulling most of my titles out of Amazon Select over the next several months, so this is probably the last time The Girl with the Cat Tattoo will ever be free, and I doubt any of my other titles will ever be free again, but who knows?

And all of this taking place in an unsteady time of my career.  I've been without an agent for about a year, and I'm feeling more okay about that.  It's a weird time for agents, and many are having trouble finding solid footing in this new publishing world.

Today I just received a copy of a newly signed contract,  a two-book deal. No agent involved.  I've been keeping this somewhat under wraps, but I can now share it.  It's for a Play Dead reissue, and a sequel to Play Dead which will be out in 2014.

It's an exciting time to be a writer. It really is. Scary, but exciting.  Writing without a net.

WHO DO YOU WRITE FOR?

Who Do You Write For?

Mine, mine, it's all mine:  I have to admit that I'm always shocked whenever I hear writers say they write for themselves.  Some even go so far as to say that to do anything else would be an insult to the creative process and art itself. I understand that way of thinking, but I rarely write for myself. I write for myself in the fact that I like the feeling of accomplishment writing brings. That's for me, but as far as the story goes…  I write for the reader. Mostly. Unless I get sidetracked.

The editor's book:  This is a trap many writers fall into when under contract, because at that point we're writers for hire.  We are being paid to deliver what the editor and publishing house want. We quickly learn an editor's likes and dislikes, and we begin writing to that editor's tastes, in part simply because the process will be easier if we can satisfy the editor.  Some editors won't have it any other way. It's their way, or no way.  I can name several books I wrote for an editor. Problem is, I don't feel these books are as good as the books I didn't write for an editor.  And if I go by sales and reviews, I think readers would agree with me.

The protest book:  Oh, I've written A LOT of these.  Telling me I can't do something is like waving a red cape in front of me.  And I think the protest book tends to be the best book. These books are slammed by agents or editors, usually in the idea stage, but sometimes the slam is to the complete manuscript, or an early manuscript. Off the top of my head, five of my books were protests books. Going way back to the beginning of my career, my first protest book was Amazon Lily. An agent chewed me out for writing it, and she said I had no idea what a romance was. That inspired me. I throw fingers at that kind of thing. 

Instead of taking her advice, I went the other way and added more of what she hated.  My next protest book was Cool Shade, which ended up winning a RITA.  That protest book was followed by Hush, Play Dead, and more recently, The Girl with the Cat Tattoo.  All protest books.  All condemned.  Hush was actually dismissed before it was written, so it wasn't a condemnation of the book, but of my writing ability.  Too complex for you.

 I'm bored and need a challenge: This is something writers have to be really careful of, and these books, at least for myself, can be some of the worst books. What I'm talking about is that point where you begin to become bored with traditional structure and the expected. You want to challenge yourself, so you add some things that two books ago you might not have done.  (I think in romance we used to call this the sex on the galloping horse stage.)  As a creative, you want something new. Problem is, this kind of thing often leads to an unsatisfactory read.

The reader's book: I know, I know. Everybody says writing for readers is a bad idea, but I don't think it's a bad idea.  Why is it a bad idea? In fact, it seems like the best idea. With my current project, I'm writing with the reader in mind as I constantly try to figure out how to give the reader the most satisfying experience.  Of course I can only guess and hope I get it right, at least for the majority of the people who buy my next book.  When all is said and done, I'm a people pleaser.  I WANT to write for readers.

ADVENTURE PUBLICATIONS OPEN FOR SUBMISSIONS

I wanted to let writers know that my friend Pat Dennis has taken a position as acquisitions editor for Adventure Publications. They will be publishing four wilderness/outdoor mysteries per year, and they are now officially open for submissions.

 Here's a bit from Pat and Adventure Publications:

"My new job is the fiction acquisition editor for Adventure Publications! Please feel free to share the following. “Adventure Publications, an award-winning publisher of outdoor guides  is accepting fiction manuscripts for its new series of outdoor/wilderness mysteries. We are looking for mystery fiction that will appeal to both the mystery reader and the outdoor enthusiast. The books will be produced in both print and e-book format. Example of authors we love are: Nevada Barr, Victoria Houston, C.J. Box, William Kent Krueger and Beth Groundwater. Currently, we are seeking novels set in the Midwest, Southwest, Northwest, Northeast and Rocky Mountains. Email your submission to: fiction@adventurepublications.net. Email queries sent to any other address will not be read. We do not open email attachments, unless we request them. Your entire submission must appear in the body of the email and not as an attachment. The subject line should be “QUERY” along with the title of your manuscript. Please email the first chapter and a synopsis along with a cover letter. Also, in your email, please include the number of words in your completed manuscript, as well as a bio, and pertinent writing and/or outdoor wilderness experience. If you prefer, you may snail-mail your query, along with your first chapter and bio to Fiction, Adventure Publications, 820 Cleveland St S, Cambridge, MN 55008.”

ADVENTURE PUBLICATIONS

Personal note:

I must confess that I flaked out on Nanowrimo due to some unforeseen circumstances, but I'm back working on the sequel to Play Dead and am about 1/3 of the way done with the first draft. ( 

You can see by my little tracking thingy up on the right that I'm just over 20,000. Will probably hit 25,000 by the end of the Nano. Half of my goal.) I should have the whole first draft completed by the end of February.  I'm enjoying the process so much that I've decided to write a sequel to Hush once Play Dead is finished. Hush is still my bestselling title, and I keep getting requests for a sequel, so it only makes sense since there's a demand. Plus I do love writing sequels because the characters are already developed. There is no question about what a character would say or do or think.  Both books will feature the same characters and settings. 

Wait, that's not all!

A new indie press called Forty Press is going to be reissuing Before I Wake.  The trade paperback will come out this March. More on Forty Press and the reissue later.

LAST APPEARANCE UNTIL APRIL 2013

This Wednesday will be my last public appearance until April of 2013. 
If you are in the south Minneapolis suburbs, please join me for a presentation where I will talk about writing The Orchard.  I will have trade paperbacks on hand if anyone wants a signed copy. I will also have trade paperbacks of The Man Who Left. These sold out in a matter of minutes at my last event, so I plan to bring more this time!  

Where and when: 

 Wednesday, Nov. 7, 6:30 p.m., Elko New Market Library, 50

Church St., New Market, MN

Elko New Market Library

My grandmother, Doris Ahlberg Mitchell

Love this photo. And really, could a person look any cooler?  Those boots? That hat? That attitude? When I was eight, she and I took a trip to Ohio to visit my aunt.  On that trip, my grandmother (mother's side) died... Unknown causes.  She was fine...and then she wasn't. I like to think of her like this. I actually wanted to publish The Orchard under her name. I think that would have been so cool.